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Question: Mr. Winkie, I have a 'friend' named Jerry and he has a scorching case of herpes, can you help my 'friend' Jerry? He says that he is often very uncomfortable. He has tried several prescriptions, even the one from the commercial where that really hot chick is riding her mountain bike, out hiking Pacific Crest Trail, and swimming 100 laps. She seems so at ease, do you think that she really has herpes? Is she just an actor?? Anyway, I am being just plain tortured, and worse part is that I got this while playing some S&M games. Seems the pain never ends...What I am to do? Signed, Jerry's Friend Dear "Jerry's Friend" Mr. Winkie puts on the old rain gear when he "heads" into moist climates. It seems like common sense to the old Winkster. But Jerry, I mean "Jerry's Deeply Concerned Friend", what are you to do? First, stay away from all women. Guys and gals like you are basically messing up things for the rest of us. Kind of like taking a piss in the punchbowl at a wedding reception. So I suggest going to a stamp works company, and purchasing a a stamp that says "STD" and some permanent ink. Then always brand your forehead with the stamp. And everyone else that you have ever been with, and anyone else that has an STD. Just say NO, and glad to have helped. BTW: that "hot chick" is an actor, does not have herpes, and has a penis. Ha! Ha! Ha! |
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Question: Mr. Winkie, My lover (named Sally, not her real name) had recently suffered an accident involving my dog, Sparky. Injuries suffered during this unfortunate incident have prohibited us from participating in sexual relationships. I have taken her to numerous specialists, but so far no medical procedure has be able to restore her to her old self. Many of my friends say "Baaaaaaa!" just replace her, however, our love can never deflate. Since you are the latex warrior, what should I do? Signed, Loving Ewe in Satsop Dear "Loving Ewe" Yes, I have heard about ewe. You are "a known Pornstar" and Sally is/was your favorite little bitch. Old habits are hard to break, and as ewe know, so are inflatable, sexual blow-up farm animals. Do not worry, deal Pornstar, ewe are one of many. Do not face this hardship alone. You can join forces with others much like yourself, volunteering time, and or money to the Dow Chemicals Foundation for a cure to restore unfortunate victims of the "patched beyond repair". Love is a beautiful thing, Pornstar don't let this issue "tear ewe up". |
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Question: Mr. Winkie, I have a psychopathic girl-friend that loves to have sex and is great to be around. But she is also sucking my very existence into her vortex of HELL. I realize that you cannot always have your cake and eat it too... Being a Production Manager of a major rock band does not seem to help matters much; the women, booze and parties take their toll. What I am to do? Signed, Lost soul Dear "Lost Soul" Your profession provides an essential tool for a resolution to the issue at hand. It sounds like you are fearing for your life, breaking up with her could possibly bring on a reaction that only John Bobbit could truly relate to. I recommend that you start contacting promoters, tour managers, etc...and sign up for a tour of Argentina. In time (three or four tours from now), the skanky bitch will have found someone else to torment with her vile and sorted ways. BTW: I also recommend banging the crap out of her up until the plane leaves. |
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Mr. Winkie is here for you and he will answer your questions and provide rock-hard, solid advice.
Few have the wisdom and knowledge of Mr. Winkie and he will stand straight-up to help out.
You have questions, he has the answers. Take care from Mr. Winkie. |
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