J. Dude/George Carlin Classic Quotes: -
DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
1 TEQUILA, 2 TEQUILA, 3 TEQUILA, FLOOR.
ATHEISM IS A NON PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
MAYBE THOSE TRICK OR TREATERS WEARING SHEETS AREN'T GOING AS GHOSTS BUT AS MATTRESSES?
IF A MUTE SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
ISN'T IT A BIT UNNERVING THAT DOCTORS CALL WHAT THEY DO "PRACTICE"?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL"?
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
WHY DON'T SHEEP SHRINK WHEN IT RAINS?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE THRU BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET THE DEER TO CROSS AT THAT YELLOW ROAD SIGN?
IS IT TRUE THAT CANNIBALS DON'T EAT CLOWNS BECAUSE THEY TASTE FUNNY?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS...THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE PAST AND ANTI-PASTA, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE AN "S" IN IT?
WHY AREN'T "HEMORRHOIDS" CALLED "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
WHY IS THE ALPHABET IN THAT ORDER? IS IT BECAUSE OF THE SONG?
WHERE ARE WE GOING? AND WHAT'S WITH THIS HAND BASKET?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
